The magic of sumimasen
If you learn one word for the whole trip, make it すみません (sumimasen). It's the most-used social lubricant in Japan and it does three jobs at once. It means "excuse me" (to get a server's attention or squeeze past someone), "sorry" (a light apology for a small inconvenience), and even "thank you" in the sense of "sorry you went to the trouble for me." Walk into a quiet restaurant and no one's at the counter? A clear すみません summons staff — that's how it's done; you don't wait silently and you don't shout "hello." Bump someone on a packed train? すみません. Someone holds a door or picks up your dropped glove? すみません works there too, as a grateful little apology. It's soft, it's everywhere, and locals will immediately read you as someone who gets the rhythm of the place. Pronounce it relaxed — "sumimasen," often shortened in fast speech to something like "suimasen," both are fine.
- To flag down a server, make eye contact and say すみません at a normal, clear volume — a raised hand helps. Many casual places also have a call button on the table.
- すみません = excuse me / sorry. ありがとう = thanks. When in doubt about which to use as 'thank you', ありがとうございます is never wrong.
Arigatou gozaimasu vs casual arigatou
ありがとうございます (arigatou gozaimasu) is your default "thank you" for the whole trip — shop staff, train station workers, hotel reception, the person who points you to the right platform. The ございます part is what makes it polite, and as a tourist interacting with strangers and service workers, polite is exactly the register you want. Plain ありがとう (arigatou) is the casual version — warm but familiar, the way you'd thank a friend. It's not rude, it just sounds a touch under-dressed when said to someone serving you. If a staff member helped you a lot, you can bump it up to どうもありがとうございます (doumo arigatou gozaimasu) — "thank you very much." And どうも (doumo) on its own is a handy light "thanks" you'll hear constantly — fine for quick, low-stakes moments like a shopkeeper handing you change.
- Default to ありがとうございます with anyone you don't know.
- Use plain ありがとう only with people you're genuinely friendly with.
The bow as punctuation
Forget the formal, deep-from-the-waist bows you've seen in films — that's a business and ceremony thing, and nobody expects it from a visitor. What you actually want is the small nod: a quick dip of the head, eyes down for a beat. Think of it as punctuation that ends an interaction gently. You'll find yourself doing it automatically — a little nod when you say ありがとうございます, a nod when you say すみません, a nod when staff hand you your bag. It pairs with words rather than replacing them. The reflex to bow on the phone (when no one can see you) is something locals do too; that's how baked-in it is. Keep yours light and you'll blend right in. Over-bowing — repeated deep bows for tiny things — reads as nervous, not polite.
- Match the other person's energy: a shop nod gets a shop nod back. You rarely need more than a 15-degree dip.
- Don't bow and shake hands at the same time — pick one. A nod alone is plenty.
-san, and not using it on yourself
さん (-san) is the all-purpose respectful suffix you attach to other people's names — family name or given name — roughly "Mr./Ms." but warmer and more universal. Tanaka becomes 田中さん (Tanaka-san). It works across genders and most situations, so when in doubt, -san is the safe choice. Two rules keep you out of trouble. First: never attach -san to your own name. Saying "I'm Seb-san" is like introducing yourself as "Mr. Seb" — it sounds like you're honoring yourself, which is slightly comical. Just give your name plainly: "Seb desu" ("I'm Seb"). Second: you'll hear other honorifics like -chan (cute/affectionate, for kids or close friends) and -sama (very formal, used by staff toward customers — you'll hear okyaku-sama, "honored customer"). You don't need to produce those yourself; -san covers you.
- Add さん to other people's names: 田中さん (Tanaka-san).
- Don't add さん (or any honorific) to your own name.
- Don't stress about -chan / -sama — you only need to recognize them, not use them.
Yoroshiku onegai shimasu
よろしくお願いします (yoroshiku onegai shimasu) is the phrase that has no clean English translation and does enormous work. It lands somewhere between "nice to meet you," "please take care of this," "I'm counting on you," and "thanks in advance." You say it when you introduce yourself, when you hand over a task or request, and to politely cap off the start of any cooperative interaction. Booked a tour and just met your guide? よろしくお願いします. Handing your passport to hotel reception at check-in? よろしくお願いします. It signals goodwill and that you're entrusting yourself to the situation gracefully. The shorter お願いします (onegai shimasu) on its own means "please" / "please do this for me" and is incredibly useful when ordering or requesting something — point at the menu and say onegai shimasu and you've ordered politely.
- お願いします (onegai shimasu) = a polite 'please, this one' — perfect for ordering by pointing.
- よろしくお願いします is the longer 'I'm in your hands, thanks' version — great for introductions and check-ins.
Reading the room
Politeness in Japan is as much about energy as words. A few quiet habits will make you feel like a considerate guest rather than a loud tourist. Keep your volume down in public — trains, buses, restaurants, and lines are noticeably hushed, and phone calls on trains are a no-go (silence your phone, don't take calls). Don't over-apologize: one すみません lands well, a stream of frantic sorries reads as flustered. Resist the urge to fill silences — comfortable pauses are normal here and you don't need to chatter. And the single biggest unlock: a genuine smile plus an attempt at Japanese, even a clumsy one, delights people. Nobody expects fluency from a visitor; the effort itself is the courtesy. A botched ありがとうございます with a smile beats perfect English every time.
- Keep your voice low in trains, lines, and quiet restaurants.
- Smile and attempt the Japanese word even if you mangle it — effort is what counts.
- Have cash and your IC card ready before you reach the front of a line; keeping things moving is its own politeness.
- Don't take phone calls on trains, and keep your phone on silent (manner mode).
- Don't pepper people with repeated apologies — one is plenty.
- Don't expect or demand English; lead with a Japanese opener and a nod.
Asking for a recommendation (osusume)
Here's a small phrase that punches way above its weight for enjoying the trip: おすすめは何ですか？ (osusume wa nan desu ka?) — "What do you recommend?" Servers, izakaya staff, and shopkeepers genuinely light up at this, because it hands them a chance to show off the good stuff and treat you well. You'll often end up with the dish the kitchen is proudest of, or a local specialty you'd never have found alone. If you want to narrow it, you can point at a category and still just say おすすめは？ (osusume wa?) — a casual, friendly "what's good here?" It turns a transaction into a tiny moment of hospitality, and it's one of the easiest ways to eat brilliantly. Pair it with a smile and an ありがとうございます when they deliver, and you've made someone's shift a little better too.
- Full polite form: おすすめは何ですか？ (osusume wa nan desu ka?). Short friendly form: おすすめは？ (osusume wa?).
- Works for food, drinks, and shops alike — it's a universal 'show me the good stuff.'